What is it about
strangers that makes us
shiver with fear?
Last night I attended a market research focus group. The 8 of us were sat in a waiting room for
at least 15 minutes before we were required to go in. During that time
not a single word was said from anyone -
not one. I sat there in
disbelief - considering we were about to discuss our worldly views on shower gel together for the next 2 hours
you'd think one of us could muster a few words - "Hi I'm Chris, how you doing?" - I don't mean small talk by the way (that is a pet hate of mine which I will blog about some time in the future) - just general chit chat.
This is just one example however - the situation that has caused me to expend the most energy locked in though is
a situation that we have all found ourselves in... You walk onto a train or a bus with quite a few people on and
most of the seats are occupied - but then
you spot a free set of 2 seats in isolation -
you go for it! It doesn't matter if the seats are right at the end of the carriage or isle,
we will walk all the way down just to have
seats to ourselves instead of sitting next to someone right in front of us
. Why? What are we so
afraid of? People even
get up and move from sitting next to someone when a seat on it's own becomes available! Why does it make people so
uncomfortable to sit next to a stranger. We do the same things when we sit on benches (among other things),
sitting as far away from any other people sitting on the same bench.
Surely the sole reason cannot be because you want more
space to stretch your legs? I can understand why people would
not always be in the mood to strike up a conversation with a randomer too - you might be
stressed and tired for example. But since when did we become a race of people that would
go out of our way to avoid having to sit next to another human being? Wouldn't
the world be a better place if it was considered normal to strike up a conversation with a stranger? I have actually had some
extremely interesting and rewarding conversations on trains and the like - I once spoke with 4 men from Newcastle on their way to a Rugby League cup final in London for the duration of
a 4 hour train journey - we
shared stories, have a
laugh, and it certainly made the
time pass quicker.
It is as though
we all have some degree of social anxiety disorder - some innate fear of certain social situations - that we are unable to feel at ease unless we are surrounded by people are familiar with.
I am not claiming that I start up a conversation every time I catch the bus, or that I am the guy who sits next to the only other person on an otherwise empty train - I often behave in the exact way that I have criticised.
My issue is WHY. Why we do all do these things.
What do
you think?
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There's always an awkward silence in lifts too, even if it's with people you already know. I reckon people are just very personal. There may also be an issue with 'etiquette', so even if someone wanted to engage, there's a risk they'd be seen as weird. Difficult one really :s
ReplyDeleteYeah I know what you mean. I felt the same way in the market research example I used. I wanted to speak but something was stopping me - I got the distinctive feeling from the room that the feeling wasn't reciprocal and that they would have felt awkward if I started speaking to them which is partly why I chose not to - as well as observing their behaviour for the blog of course lol
ReplyDeleteIt is a strange phenomenon but interestingly it doesn't happen in every situation - for example if you are in a queue in a supermarket or a bank then it is common to strike up a conversation but it is normally to complain about the length of time it takes to be served, generally we only talk to complete strangers when there is a common experience going on.
ReplyDeleteI get more annoyed when said people in the queue don't say anything like "could you open another till please" but then are happy to jump in front of you if a till is opened!
There is a driver on the Northern Line who is very witty and if you are lucky enough to get on his train his witty comments always break the ice ane people start talking - it just takes one person to start.....
It is definitely more common place in Britain due to the social constructs of British people who are perceived to act in a more rserved and polite manner in order not to cause bother to others. This becomes even more obvious when you travel to other parts of world; African countries for example are much more approachable and the people there have no inhabitions in striking up a conversation with anyone. Similarly, through my experience people will never opt for the spare seats on the bus; they will always seat as close as possible, which many British people would see as too close due to an invasion of 'personal space'...another social construct which has been developed within British society.
ReplyDeleteThose are very interesting points made about the different behaviours of people from African nations. I myself cannot comment as I have not yet had the privilege to visit. But it did make me think about the subject in terms of a possible different attitude geographical across the UK.
ReplyDeleteIn people's experience, are those from the North really more friendly than their Southern counter-parts? Would a 'Northener' really be more likely to strike up a conversation on a bus than a 'Southerner'?